I’ve recently got one of those little black cars, you know the sort of thing which everyone has. I do not know why it is so, but whichever car I get, everybody else suddenly seems to have the same idea. Anyways, I drove into the nearby shopping mall to get some fish and groceries, the dry cleaning and all that sort of thing. It’s terrible, absolutely terrible shopping in town, ten thousand cars and not a space to park except the entrance of the fire station. However, today I waded through in record time, and I put all the things in the boot and drove back home. Was just about half way to home, when a startling thing happened. I found I was being licked on the back of my neck…well my wife normally does not believe in public displays of affection, so that rules the possibility out, and besides I just remembered she hadn’t come along shopping with me. I turned around and found a dog. Of course if you are a dog owner, you would say what is so startling in that, and I quite agree I also realized then I neither took my dog with me…wait a sec… I didn’t have a dog to begin with. I stopped the car and had a look at the back, and there was this dog-a complete stranger to me, with his tongue hanging out all ready for another go…and I said “Hello, whose doggie are you? But he didn’t answer, and then I saw he’d got his name on his collar ‘Arthur’ pretty silly name for a dog, I thought along with that an address to a house on the other side of town, you know about 40-50 kms in the backward direction. Well of course, I see what happened it was all my fault for not locking the car up, it’s bad enough having to stop at 14 different shops without dropping the car keys each time, and what happened was that whoever owned the dog had got fed up with taking him around and had put him in the car to wait, only of course they’d put him in the wrong car, or probably a car that looked like theirs, but really wasn’t, and I couldn’t quite decide what to do about it.
For one thing I was to be back at home by 1 o’clock with the fish, groceries and the laundry, and if I took the dog home, he would get on terribly with my dog…wait! Why do I keep saying I have a dog…I don’t. I thought about handing it over to the police station, but then the thought of filling up of all the forms, affidavits to swear-plan cancelled. I put my hand into my pockets for chewing gum, it helps me think better, but it seemed I ran out of stock…I looked into the cubby hole…no chewing gum there as well…but what I got was rather a woman’s shopping bag, a bag I had never seen before and a hand bag next to it, with all the usual objects in it…BUT for chewing gum. Now, I needed gum more than ever…because of course the situation had taken a new twist, it was no longer the question of the dog being in my car…I was in the dog’s. Very awkward, for all I knew the dog cum shopping bag cum hand bag woman had already reported the car stolen, I now could see myself being in the police station under totally different circumstances, and it took quite a bit of courage to turn around and go back, but it was the best thing to do I thought. So I went back, drove slowly up and down 346 Downing Street looking for my car, TX754…but nothing, heaps of little black cars, but not mine. It then crossed my mind that I should report a stolen car, my stolen car…but moments later I thought rather not…looks a bit fishy, driving up to a police station in a little black car, and reporting a stolen one just like it…they’d have me behind bars for concocting such a story, which is actually the truth…but then they would find it fishy anyways. Next option then, was to drive to the address mentioned on Arthur’s collar…and headed in the opposite direction. It took some finding; it was at the end of a mud lane, just of a side road. However I made it, nice pleasant, small yet elegant farm house. As I got out of the car, so did the dog, I was just going to knock at the door, when a man (in his boxer shorts) opened it and said “Come on darling, you have been out long”. Then he saw me, apparently I looked nothing like the “darling” he was referring to
“Oh, Hello” he said
“Hello” I’ve brought your dog Arthur back, to which he replied
“What do you mean Arthur?” that’s Shiela…I am Arthur
“Oh Well, anyways I am afraid your wife has driven off with my car
He said; “but isn’t this your car”?
Oh no, mine is TX754
“Exactly that’s what this is”
I went around and looked at the number plate, ad indeed it was mine after all, you see, I’d been right in the first place, no wonder I could not find my car on the street; it was because I was driving it! Must say the guy took the whole thing pretty well (by now he had a t-shirt on, and a track pant for company)
“Let’s have a cup of coffee till the Mrs Turns up”
The man further went on to explain, that we wasn’t a bit surprised all this happened because his wife was very scatterbrained, and was quite capable of putting all the things in a post office mail van if it was handy. He put all the blame on her; he could not have been more polite. I liked talking to this man; he seemed to be a great guy. By now, we had already drunk 2 cups of coffee each when the Mrs finally drove into the parking in her little black car, and on coming out shouted out, that she’d been robbed off her hand bag, shopping and the dog. The husband very politely said; Honey, you haven’t lost anything, you just put them in this gentleman’s car here (pointing to me, and then to my little black car). She thought for a minute and said…
“O’ Yes of course, it must have been when I went back to have a word with Mabel at the fruit shop, I remember now thinking the car seemed to be in a different place”. We all had a good laugh, and the whole thing ended on a very happy note. There was just one slight problem, as far as I was concerned. It was twenty past two when I finally reached home, and my wife was well…you know…a bit upset, and she was even more upset when she went down to get the fish and the groceries and the dry cleaning out of the car, because there was nothing in there, but for opened box of ‘Silhouette Panties’ Maximum Comfort – now in 4 pack’, she looked at it very suspiciously and brought it up…and screamed
Johnnnnnnnnn!!! What is this?
John looked up from his newspaper, and said to himself “Good Lord! Then it struck him “I got the wrong car this time!”!!
He politely replied; “that’s for you honey”
Wife: (the anger now turning into a smile) I never thought you knew my size *blushes*
The lady at the shop said “It’s a free size”
Huh!? And both of them smiled