Death and the awkwardness that I find myself in..

Hospitals, death, funerals..and everything associated with it…and my brain goes into freeze mode, I don’t know what to do, how to react and basically I’m not the right person to have around at a time like that.

My family and closest friends know this side of me… and they understand when they see me standing in one corner just by myself. I will try to help (if i’m asked to, which I’m usually not), attend the funeral mass and even go to the graveyard and pay my last respects but beyond that..nothing!

Just a few minutes back, my friend called to say her mom expired, and being the stock-photo-61535176-burials-catholic-cemetery-velha-goa-indianot-knowing-what-to-do-in-the-situation person, was quiet for a few seconds…and then asked the dumbest question “When?” followed by “I am very sorry to hear….”. She says she will let me know when the funeral is..and I’m like “yes, please let me know”

Gawd!! I feel so helpless in such situations. Not once, twice but at least 5 or 6 times now, My grandmom, uncle, aunt, my opposite door neighbor, my ex girlfriends uncle…etc. Dad says I need to be more in touch with reality and the statements I dish out (ex. People have to die someday or the other, look at our country’s population) will not do…that’s not the worst part, having attended close to a dozen funerals or even more maybe is that I can’t shed one tear, no matter who it is. Of late even onions don’t seem to get the job done. So yes! 🙁

I am thankful to GOD that he has so far kept alive and close to me all the people I love and cherish the most from my parents to my relatives and friends, and I have really not experienced what it is to lose a close one. Hope I never do…and that is why I guess I act the way I do…

6505539043_c56bc39967_zPhew!! so a funeral is around the corner…and that couple hours of awkwardness.

5 Replies to “Death and the awkwardness that I find myself in..”

  1. Ditto. Nice piece Savio.

    1. thanks Priyanka..I guess I need to work on it

      1. Me too . That is easier said than done. I feel like running away when I have to attend a funeral or condole someone. How the hell am I to feel their pain or loss or say anything that will make sense . Am lost .

  2. I can offer some support. Please don’t take offence though. I am a funeral celebrant and I can honestly say that a big motivation for me is people feeling that they have to conform to specific rules regarding death and funerals. If you have been to funerals, you are perform your duty as a friend. Being there is so much more important that wailing and beating your chest. If you didn’t care you wouldn’t be there, you’d be somewhere where no one was asking anything of you. Asking for details like when and how isn’t dumb, at the least its practical. What if it was minutes ago and they needed a lift somewhere, what if it was days ago and this was someone reaching out for the first time. I think you are putting too much pressure on yourself. And its ok to feel awkward too, every funeral is different and usually everyone would rather it wasn’t happening yet. I hope that doesn’t seem to patronising and chin up.

    1. I respect your views 😊 that was a long comment 😊 was interesting to read…

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