As far as I have learnt the definition of Chivalry – it is being courteous (especially that of a man towards women) polite and kind without asking for anything in return.
So how does something like that go out of fashion? But the women of today don’t really appreciate it, do they?
Or as a true feminist would say;
‘treat me as a equal, no need to do anything out of your way’
It is weird that as a man, I choose this topic to write about – however, since this topic came up in a class that I had with my students.. I realized that I’ve never had much to say about the topic – until, of course today. So, today when I was asked by my student about what my views were about it.. I said
“its pretty cool to be chivalrous”, I paused looking at her reaction, and continued
“but I sense that’s not what you wanted to hear” her half-smile said it all, or should I say the lack of a genuine one.
For some strange reason, I do believe that the modern woman does prefer the ‘bad boy’ and the guys who actually treat women well… get blown away, bro-zoned or rejected as the worst case scenario.
So when did being nice go out of fashion? Weren’t we taught as young school going boys to be good by our parents? I guess as the world has moved on, the word ‘good’ has got its meaning twisted a little bit…
I am a nice guy, a chivalrous gentleman (okay! I wouldn’t go extremes like pull out a chair or open the car door for a woman) I am still good, I truly believe I am. But clearly I am wrong – in some way.
Women don’t really care that you’re a good guy unless you make them feel attracted to you – ‘sexually’. Yes! I can’t believe I’m
saying writing this.
A woman can do almost everything that a man can, the main ones being:
– Earn money
– Be Independent
– Have a child (without the help of a man)
So has the value of a man then – in a woman’s life, come down to just physical compatibility? (if at all they choose that option) I would think it hasn’t quite reached that stage just as yet, I guess there are still women who want to find themselves a good guy as long as he is able to make her feel sexually attractive – and that pretty sums up the MODERN WOMAN.
Let us look at the dating scenario these days. Its no longer courting a woman for several weeks, months and sometimes years – go on several dates – hold hands – build a relationship through friendship etc etc… its just too long a process, its 2019 for heaven’s sake!
Nowadays in the dating scenario, it all starts with sexual attraction. Taking it forward, you need to kiss the woman and have sex with her. After that, you can both decide whether or not to have a relationship. Basically its like the said couple is taking each other for a “test drive” first and seeing how they feel. That my friends is THE STARK REALITY and pretty much what happens around us.
Forget the old ways of doing special things for your woman… that theory is out of the window, lets get to the practicality of what the woman of today might see as chivalry in a man
If you really like a woman,
- Pay attention to the people in her life – this may not always involve her family but also her social circle. Be kind to them even if you don’t like them too much. You’ll go a long way in winning her over. Being a part of her happy moments, and it goes without saying that you talk less about yourself.
- Women always love surprises, so try to be innovative. Don’t go necessarily for the bouquet of flowers option – Innovate, Create.. and do something totally un-expected. How about some ‘out-of-the-box’ thinking? We men are a little slow in that aspect, there’s always google for ideas if you’ve run out of them.
- Be the LOVE of her life, and not just the boyfriend, husband or whatever else you call it these days…and renew that love every time you meet. Feel the love within you and share it with your partner. Do not take the other for granted.
They say the more time a man spends with his woman, the more he is ready to do about anything his girl/woman says, while that may make the woman very happy, it quite isn’t fair to the man.
Be a good guy, but make sure that you still remain a masculine man… she will appreciate it.
Bend a little, not too much. For most times when women ask their man for something, it is not really that they want it, its more like a test she’s putting her man to – to see if he passes or fails, the scoring system of which only she has access to.