…I have changed!

So, all this time I’ve been telling myself “I’m the same, I’ve not changed one bit” but in reality I have. I am no longer the same person..my friends kept telling me that – but NO, I kept telling them I haven’t.

I had this really long conversation with one of my best friends 2 nights ago… a good hour and a half on phone, and then suddenly in mid conversation I asked her.. Do you think I’ve changed?  She said, “Sav…it’s been 5 years now, but I’ve got kinda used to the new you, it’s like this new 5.0 updated version of you” …. and I’m like I didn’t mean to change..or rather I didn’t want to change, at least not for you 🙁

I guess now, I can blame it on the fact that I’ve not been in Goa and working outside the state kinda sucks and alters personality. You meet different kinds of people and somehow unknowingly their annoying habits get to you and you change. But have I changed that much?

If I have to put it in computer terms, the hardware is the same, its just that the software has been upgraded and now there is conflict between the old hardware and new software and some programs do not work correctly. – Yes! that’s it!

I want to go back being the old me…not the old old me…but at least 10/12 years back when life was good, I was good and things were so much simpler. I don’t know what the hell I’ve been doing but its like a whole lot has gone through and I’ve not taken the time to notice the smaller things.

I want to downgrade to Savio version 2.0, is that possible?

I have never heard my own voice on phone, but I did recently when I sent a voice message on WhatAapp to a friend of mine…and on hearing my own voice, it sounded so serious. I questioned myself “what happened to the voice modulation and intonation I teach my students about?” My voice was flat to the T with no trace of emotion to it.

I need to practice what I preach..rather teach!

I’m going through an Identity Crisis! 

I miss the old me while I’m trying to adjust to the new me

Over the years…

Got hold of a handful of photographs…tried sequencing them in chronological order..and I came up with this..starting way back from 1984

20160224_090929.jpg

The Year: 1983, 1 year old. The Era of black & white photos and colorful lives 🙂 I can’t imagine dad looked like that 🙂 and my sister’s big black eyes 😀 Mom looks the same even now with addition to glasses and maybe a few white hairs here and there which she dyes almost instantly 🙂

5x7 (copy)

The Year: 1988, 6 years old..birthday pic 🙂 growing into a young handsome prince 🙂 ..those were the days I was learning to smile 🙂

 

20160224_092500

7 years down the line. The Year 1995. Studio pic…the smile lost somewhere 🙁 The highlight was I begun wearing suits and I loved my RED shirt 😀

20160224_092256.jpg

The Year 2000 – Mumbai, outside some church. Lame attempt to smile..I know! Don’t know what I was thinking there!! Red tie there… 🙂

And now 2015-16

 Would you believe I am the same person? I can barely imagine this is the same ME!!

From the days of innocence to… well… a person battered down by life’s expectations.